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Saturday, June 18, 2011

Ode to My husband on Fathers Day as written by our daughter Elizabeth.

The following is a series of funny stories about my husband that my daughter wrote.

 On morphine  (after 7 hour spinal fusion) my dad referred to himself as "Rugged Man".... His drugged up delusion of himself couldn't be more accurate. At one point in his life he could lift twice his own weight, balance himself on steel beams seemingly miles above groun...d to weld ABOVE his head (if you have ever tried that you know that it is not only terrible but REALLY difficult), and run, no joke, EXACTLY as fast and comically as Forest Gump. To me, my father was/ is as close to a super hero as a person could get. It is very impressive and comes in handy on moving day, but, it has many disadvantages as well: picture Italian stubbornness combined with physical might: as you would guess, the result is dilutions of immortality and invincibility. It was common place to have him come into the house with his hand in a blood soaked towel insisting that a cut from a chain saw was not a necessary hospital trip, or a phone call where he is recounting a recent incident when his head was hit by not one but two steel support beams on scaffolding while, in the same phone conversation he is trying to give orders to his employees and forgetting in mid sentence (again not a necessary hospital trip). Thankfully my mother's determination always got him to the hospital (once she had to steal his shoes knowing that he wouldn't walk on a hospital floor barefoot to escape - germs) resulting in a quick recovery every time. Finally his comic hero-like injuries caught up with him when an x-ray showed that his back pain was caused by a break that happened at ONE POINT IN HIS LIFE (he does know know the exact time). Think about this... Could you imagine your back mussels being so strong that you could break your back and A. not know it, or B. be able to function as an athlete and iron worker with no problems!? Sadly this resulted in his needing spinal fusion surgery which inhibited his ability to lift twice his own weight and forced him, for the first time in his entire life, to -take it easy for a while.- In the hospital he forgot the effects of morphine would interfere with his ability to articulate work calls and his cell phone was confiscated when he was placing steel orders and forgetting about them. He also told the nurse that he couldn't take benedrill, when she was concerned about an uniformed drug allergy he replied " no! it makes me to drowsy." (he was thinking about work, in a hospital, after having his insides literally removed and then returned.) For months we had to succumb to heated arguments and trickery to get him to relax and recover. For all of my family's sake this was almost two years ago so everything is close to normal at this point, in fact he just celebrated his 50th birthday where many of these stories were recounted during a hilarious roast. In my father's words "you can't hurt steel" and in his case I think he is right, it can be scratched and dented but it is still strong none the less.

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